It's still summer.....rats!

                I just poked my head out the door to see if it was still summer...
                                                    it is.
             I was hoping that when I went to bed last night, I would wake up and today would be October...
                                            it isn't....
                                           damn it...


                   *footnote*
                          this would explain another long absence after assuring you readers that I had indeed returned. Apparently I have melted. You can't write blogs when you are a melted puddle on the floor. You don't have fingers....

Africa hot..

              

           Well, summer has officially started. I hate summer. I mean I REALLY hate summer. You remember that scene in " Biloxi Blues?" The one that went:
    
    whoa, this is hot...
    This is like Africa hot. 
    Tarzan couldn't take this kind of hot.
    I don't think think I'm gonna be able to stay here if it's gonna be this hot.
    Man, this is hot. 
              
        Ya....that pretty much sums up how I feel about summer. And it's only the beginning of June. It's going to get a whole lot worse before it gets better. Stupid summer. I hate summer. And if that wasn't bad enough, all the kids are out of school. It's hot and the kids are home. Stellar....

                                       I hate summer..


                   *footnote*
                         speaking of hot, this brings us to our next episode of "Adventures in Vegas"..but you'll have to wait. You already got 2 updates tonight. Just pray I don't disappear for another month. 

she's back.....

         It has been brought to my attention just recently (tonight) that I have been sorely missed. According to one of my sources, I have loyal followers and adoring fans that demand my immediate return to the blog. Her exact words were, "Update your damn blog, please!" I'm picking up a vibe. I think she's trying to tell me to update my damn blog...or something like that. I had no idea I had such faithful and devoted readers who need me. After that passionate entreaty, how can I let them down? On the other hand, I can't help but think that my source is lying to me....I'd bet you anything that the faithful readers she's referring to is actually just one reader. No wait...probably not even a whole reader. It's a half of a reader. The rest of them are dead. Eaten by zombies or dead in a ditch. That would be alarming. But meh, whatever. I'll just get new faithful readers and more adoring fans. And a new source....preferably one who doesn't lie to me. Not that she cares....

                    *footnote*

                            I have no good excuses to offer for my leave of absence, so don't ask. if I have taught you anything, it is the element of indifference. I'm hoping it took and that you don't care. I'll be highly disappointed if you express even a hint of concern. So don't....ever....

A funny thing happened on the way to the blog....

   
                                                       I got lost. 


                       

Vegas Adventure - episode 4

             Ok, so maybe my sister had the better room, but we had a pretty darn nice pool. Complete with water slide! Ok, so maybe it wasn't the world's greatest water slide, but it was a darn nice water slide! We had a great time and Auntie made the astute observation that we acted like a couple of 5 year olds. Hey! Who says you can't act like a 5 year old while celebrating your 40th birthday! I did make an alarming and distressing discovery while acting like a 5 year old, though. To my horror, it became painfully clear that I am water slide challenged. Auntie would slide gracefully down and land perfectly on her feet. I on the other hand, oh let's see...how can I put it?...did not. Despite all my best efforts to replicate her graceful slides, I somehow became a 10 ton whale. It wasn't pretty. I would land ass first and go straight to the bottom. What the hell? How was this even possible? Boom...ass first and down she goes....sigh....I displayed non stellar water slide skills....Ok, so maybe I looked like the 40 year old 10 ton whale going down, but it was darn fun! And I am pleased to report that no whales or 40 year olds were harmed during the posting of this blog entry. 


                     *footnote*
                           as you can see from the photo, the weather was perfect! such a beautiful day! however the temperature of the water was close to that of the arctic ocean. I think we even saw some chunks of ice float by. I also want to acknowledge the group of girls that I'm sure were delighted to no end to watch a couple of old ladies go down a water slide. They even encouraged us to try different ways. stomach, backwards, feet first, head first. They loved it! Thank you ladies for not laughing hysterically at us...becoming the 10 ton whale was enough of a bruise to my ego as it was....this ass is for you! boom..and down she goes....again....

Vegas Adventure - episode 3

        After taking some time to recover from my harrowing experience of getting there, we took to the strip to begin our tour of hotels and casinos, nudie bars and sex shops. I'm just kidding! We didn't go into any hotels or casinos....we did however stop for dinner at Fatburger. Apparently this place is all the rage and a Las Vegas must. We were disappointed. It turned out to be more of a Las Vegas "meh." The only fat thing about it was the price. It should've been called "You'll-need-to-sell-a-kidney-first-to-eat-this-burger." I guess that wouldn't fit on the sign so they decided to go with Fatburger. We unanimously agreed we never need to go there again. Ah well....at least you got free refills for your coke. This was a huge  selling point. I may have had to sell a kidney to eat there, but at least I could flood my one remaining kidney with all the coke I could drink! Whoo-hoo!....And isn't that what truly matters here? I am forced to say yes...yes it is...


             *footnote*        
                                        touring the strip
                            

Vegas Adventure- episode 2

            After driving hundreds of miles through the lovely Moapa Indian reservation, (where you may recall not one Indian resides) we finally made it safe and sound to Vegas and our hotel, the Excalibur. And I don't use the phrase "safe and sound" here as just an expression. It was a harrowing experience and a miracle we arrived safe and sound for a couple of reasons.
            1. Auntie is no longer allowed to operate a motor vehicle. She is fired, due to the fact that she is highway challenged. She sped by our exits on a regular basis and delayed our arrival by at least 4 days. In fact, she  wouldn't know a freeway on ramp if it came up and bit her on the butt. 
           2. She is highway and freeway ramp challenged because she likes to talk on the phone and drive at the same time. It became evident within the first 10 minutes of the trip that she cannot multitask - hence the 4 day delay. 
         3. She likes to meander. A word that in this case means. " Let's stop for no reason to look at nothing as often as possible even though I know you hate road trips and you're anxious to get there." She even insisted on stopping for gas and getting drinks. This was unacceptable.
         4. She refused to feed me. Her meandering interfered with my meal times and thus resulted in me becoming cranky and snarky. I also found this intolerable. 
         5. After a 4 day delay, missing on ramps and exits, endless meandering and me starving, we got to enjoy the added bonus of Las Vegas traffic. The car expressed it's displeasure at having to sit at red lights for days on end by almost overheating, but thanks to my quick thinking and savvy Vegas street smarts, I got us to our hotel - safe and sound - and the car calmed down. Phew! ...But she's still fired....

              *footnote*
                  Excalibur was a perfectly fine and acceptable hotel. I've always wanted to stay there and Auntie was gracious enough to indulge me. That is until I saw my sisters room. She stayed at Mandalay Bay. I am soooo staying there next time. She got a jetted tub and a flat screen tv in her bathroom! We were lucky we didn't have to pay extra for indoor plumbing.....

the birthday pie - April 1

       Well, it's happened. After months, then weeks of fearing the dreaded day, it came. Despite all my efforts to avoid it. The only good thing was my birthday pie. For 40 years I have been denied a birthday pie, but my sister was finally able to break my mother's resolve, so I thank her for paving the way for pie....pie is good. 

               *footnote*
                      This is my all time favorite. chocolate cream. You have to try some. I promise you won't ever eat any other kind again...ever...yes, it's that good. No, you can't have the recipe. It's like the colonel's 11 secret herbs and spices..only 2 people know it and it's locked in a vault. How sad for you....

The Vegas adventure begins...

                  Ok,ok....don't get your panties in a knot. Geez, you impatient people! This is a series of entries entitled "the vegas adventure."  I will be sharing photos and stories of our fabulous week end celebrating my super awesome life day. NOT my birthday, because I did NOT turn 40. Nope. no way. No one's 40 here. Anywho...
             You're sitting there wondering why the hell I've put up a picture of an indian reservation. Well, I'll tell you. This is the Moapa indian reservation, about 30 miles or so outside of Las Vegas. So it makes sense this where the Vegas adventure began. And it is at this point that I get excited, because it means the fun is getting close! Entering the reservation, you'd expect to start seeing...well, indians maybe? We didn't see any. Not a one. All we saw was a whole lot of nothing. And I mean nothing. Thus began a fascinating discussion of where all the indians were. We came to the conclusion that just one lone old indian guy lives here. All that land just to himself. And he hides. His name is Chief Geronimo....literally translated, "he who hides." We don't know why Chief Geronimo hides. Maybe he lurks. Maybe he ducks behind sagebrush and shoots arrows at passing cars. I say zombies wiped out the entire tribe and he was the only survivor. This would explain his distrust of the human race and compels him to shoot arrows at cars. Well, wherever you are, Chief, we mean you no harm and it's ok if you hide. We just wanted to say hi......Hi!


                  *footnote*
                       

         
               This is Chief Geronimo. No wonder he hides and shoots arrows at us. He's old, tired and cranky. And hates people entering his reservation asking where all the indians are. Don't do it...
             

your patience will be rewarded.....vegas adventures

Don't panic!! It's all good....no need for alarm.....I'm recovering from my Vegas vacation, so please pardon my absence. I will be posting a series of my adventures very soon, so don't go anywhere! I assure you, your patience will be rewarded....

to snorkel or not to snorkel.....

                Wow, wow,wow....crazy stupid past couple of weeks, but it's been fun. I had a lovely visit with my aunt and a friend of ours who came up from Florida. We've actually been friends on facebook for quite some time, so it was great to finally meet in person. 
               Speaking of Florida, I mentioned that I'd never been and would love to go. Do the whole Florida thing. Epcot, Disneyworld and the beach. If you're familiar at all with the geography of Utah, you will probably realize that we have no beaches. Ok, we have like, one, but it doesn't count. I love the ocean, so it was suggested that I go snorkeling. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! no. Yes, I love the beach. Yes, I love the ocean, but it doesn't mean I want to go swimming with fishies and other marine life. Now before you send me hate mail telling me I'm closed minded and listing all the reasons why I should try it, let me explain what will happen to me if i do:
          1. There are fish. Millions of fish. They will seek me out, surround me and look at me weird. Then they will touch me.
          2. There are sting rays. These will also seek me out and then sting me. I'd like to avoid this if at all possible.
          3. There are jellyfish. Never mind the millions of fish touching me and sting rays stinging me. The jellyfish will spell my doom. 
          4. There are sharks. After the fish touch me, the sting rays sting me   and the jelly fish have left me for dead, the sharks will come. They will smell my suffering and finish me off. You think I'm kidding.  
          5. There is seaweed. With the last ounce of strength I have, I attempt to pull myself to safety. This is when rogue seaweed attacks me and chokes me. It wraps around my neck and there you have it. I become fish food. At least at this point I won't care that they're touching me. 

           Several weeks later, I wash up on the beach and the horrid Floridian zombies eat me for breakfast. This is all true. And this is why I'll refrain from snorkeling, thank you very much. Auntie dared to think I may... perhaps....might possibly have fun engaging in this activity...Did she not read the list? And don't even utter the phrase, "alligator farm"....I'd rather take my chances with jellyfish and rogue seaweed...


                    *footnote*
                          You know that part in "Finding Nemo" where Dori and Marlin meet up with that scary-ass fish with those big scary-ass teeth and they barely escape with their little fishie lives? Ya, there's one of those, too....and it wants me.....

poster child for indifference

                         I'm on a civil war kick right now. Well, more like still on a civil war kick. I adore the Ken Burns series and I can't stop watching it. And I've decided George McClellan is my hero. He embodies the very idea of indifference, and I have to admit, it delights me. I don't know how much you know about Mr. General McClellan but during the first year of the war, when it came time to fight, he said...and I quote: "meh, whatever"...I believe the following conversation actually take place:

                      Abraham Lincoln : " Take your army and go fight Mr. Lee"
                      George: "meh"
                      Lincoln: "No, really. You need to take your army and go fight"
                      George: "Not just now"
                      Lincoln: "This is our chance to get Lee on the run and strike a decisive blow. 
You must act now so we can end the war!"
                      George: " If I get around to it, but doubtful. I just don't feel like it"
                       Lincoln: "If you won't fight, I will find somebody who will and relieve you of command!"
                       George: "whatever"

           HAHAHA! I love this guy! I don't think any other man in history has exhibited such indifference. Historians think his unwillingness to engage in battle came from his paranoia. He was sure he didn't have enough men, when in reality he outnumbered Lee 2 to 1. He needed more supplies. He had enough. His horses were tired. His horses weren't tired and Lincoln wasn't about to buy in to this excuse. He wanted to know how the horses could be tired if they never did anything. A valid point, but I give McClellan an A for creativity. I'm going to try that as an excuse the next time somebody wants me to do something. "Sorry. no can do...my horses are tired."  We'd like you to give a talk next week in church"..."no can do, my horses are tired." it will totally work.  
               Lincoln eventually got fed up and fired McClellan. I think that's what his plan was all along. "If I do as little as possible, maybe I can get myself fired." This is what we indifferent people do....



                       *footnote*
                              besides being delighted that he was a complete lay-about, I find him quite handsome. I especially like this picture of him. Most men from that era weren't that much to look at, but George was downright hot! We would've gotten along quite well. Our combined indifference would be formidable....


                       

               

dead in a ditch

               She was right...I can't believe my mother was actually right! You know that ditch she's always talking about? Ya, well I found it...and I'm dead in it. This would be why the blog has been neglected and fallen into disrepair. And not a one of you even bothered to come looking for me to see if I required any assistance. Thanks a lot. And I'm fine now. I'm so glad you asked. You're probably wondering how I ended up dead in this ditch. Zombies pushed me in. My aunt refuses to acknowledge that this happened to me. I insisted that it did and pointed out that she couldn't possibly have any way of verifying, since she's been no where around. How does she know? She didn't come to my aid, either. And then she has the nerve to say I'm full of crap! No...the ditch was......a ditch full of zombie crap....stupid ditch....



                       *footnote*
                               FYI- when you google "dead in a ditch" under images, pictures of Amy Winehouse come up.....hmmmm..interesting. Amy Winehouse. dead in a ditch. I was not surprised. 

childhood toys.

                    I want to be a kid again. I loved being a kid. This responsible grown up thing has been fun, but I'd like to go home now. I want to go home to my toys. I had great toys - barbies and strawberry shortcake, cabbage patch kids and dollhouses. These are 2 of my  favorite childhood toys...and 2 of my oldest. No, I'm not going to tell you exactly how old. Just trust me when I say they're old, but thanks to my mother they are now new and improved! They look better than I do! She lovingly and painstakingly took them apart, washed them, replaced their parts and restitched them. The doll I got a few years ago and the puppy just this last christmas. I had actually forgotten all about him  until I opened him up. I am fully aware that he is pink and purple and should technically be a she. But he is not. Even though he is wearing a big pink bow.( you can't see it in the picture)  He's just in touch with his feminine side. He should be on "Project Runway" or "Queer eye for the straight dog" or something. And he has no name. Poor pink and purple puppy with no name. My doll never got a name either. If you have any suggestions, I'll be glad to hear them. 

                

             *footnote*

                     Now before you start sending me hate mail because I don't name my dolls and animals, I should tell you that I did name another doll I had. And it was a perfectly lovely name. Ginger Ale. Isn't that nice?

                    

I'm not dead yet!

    No, I'm not dead yet! So yes, I'm still here. I realize you've been alarmed by my absence. Let me start off by telling you what  DIDN'T happen to me.

             1. I am not dead in a ditch. I don't know where this ditch is or why my mother always thinks I'm going to end up dead in one..I would kinda like to know where it is just so I can avoid it.
             2. I was not kidnapped by aliens. That's just stupid. Kidnapped by zombies, yes....but not aliens. 

             3. I was not killed in the battles of Gettysburg or Antietam. I've been watching the Ken Burns Civil War series and the PBS American Experience "A House Divided". So this was a real possibility. I didn't get shot and no limbs were lost. What a relief!

          4. I didn't go down with the Titanic. Along with the civil war, I am fascinated by Titanic lore. I've been watching documentaries and reading up, so I know how it ends. Crisis averted! I didn't get on the ship....

          Now that you know what hasn't happened to me, I will tell you what I have been busy doing. I've been getting my ass handed to me by a 10 year old henchman. Why he likes beating me up, I don't know.  I've been dealing with an emotional hormonal basket case of a 13 year old. The joy. I've been exchanging snarky comments with a 15 year old. Now that's always fun! And of course there's doctors and dentists, running here, driving there. And just all around exuding awesomeness....it's what I do....

                    *footnote*
                           ok, I lied. I've actually been busy exuding my indifference. You may recall my earlier entry. I've been lying around the couch watching tv. I do glance over at my laptop every so often and go: "You really need to get on there and update the blog"....and then I go:..."meh...whatever." ....I'm still awesome, though. I'd never lie about that....

the vegas un-birthday party

           So I'm fixin' to turn 40 here in just a couple of months and I am NOT happy about it. To combat this dreadful event, I came up with a brilliant  fool-proof plan. "I know! I'm going to plan a  girls week end get away to fabulous las vegas for an un-birthday party to NOT celebrate my birthday!" I said to myself. What could possibly go wrong? I will tell you...

               1. My aunt became a big taker over person and decided she must stake her claim in the un-birthday week end as well. Never mind the fact that her birthday was in December. She would not be denied her share of the attention. So being the kind, gracious and wonderful niece I am, I warmly and enthusiastically offered  her a percentage of my festivities. She was most grateful and is now humbly indebted to me....forever...

              2. My dad became a big invited himself person. This was intended as a GIRLS week end get away. I guess He didn't want to be left home alone and seeing as he did play a minor role in my birthday, and being the kind, gracious and wonderful daughter I am, I warmly and enthusiastically invited him to join us. He was most grateful and is now humbly indebted to me....forever...

           3. Unbeknownst to me, planning a big (family) week end get away to fabulous las vegas for an un-birthday party to NOT celebrate (our) birthdays is a major undertaking. It requires months of research and development and countless hours of hard work.Sending Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin to the moon took less time (space reference) The great wall of china was conceived and constructed with far less discussion and far fewer people involved. In short, it will take a miracle to get this thing off the ground......much like the very first space shuttle (another space reference) 

                                 *footnote*
                                       No need for alarm. As of right now, the plans for the big week end get away seem to be coming along nicely. I know you were worried for me. And if all goes well, we should be attending the always stellar "thunder from down under". This will make all the months of careful and meticulous work worth it. ....and we're going to have fun, damn it! 

super-something

          Ok, Something's up. I'm getting the sense that it's something big, too. What is it? You can't fool me. I was at the store this past week and noticed beer specials and cakes in the shape of footballs. This can only mean one thing - a sporting event of some kind. I have no idea what, but it has to be a super something. No matter. I won't be watching it anyway. I despise football. I despise all sports. ok, that's not true. I like baseball. And I love baseball players. But that's another story for another day. Football is stupid. Football fans are even stupider. I was subjected to repeated play by plays every 5 seconds on facebook.... I DON'T CARE!! It's men wearing weird uniforms and funny helmets running back and forth while kicking a ball. The end. ohhhh exciting!!!....NOT! I'll never understand it.....stupid football..


                              *footnote*
                                      I did find this funny, though. It's superbowl barbie! Touchdown! Looks like she's got football fever...

                                
                               

Driving in Utah

               I hate people and I hate driving. I hate people driving. And I really hate people driving here in Utah. They've all lost their minds....and I want to run every damn last one of them over so I can have the roads to myself. I've pretty much lived in my car this past week, so I've had more than my fill of these lunatics. 
                     I'm going to share the rules of road. Apparently, we have a different set. You'll need to know them when you move here and are forced to drive amongst us. I apologize in advance and assure you I am NOT, I repeat....NOT one of the aforementioned lunatics.

                 1. When you see someone trying to move over in to your lane, be sure to speed up to make it impossible for them to do so. You will force them to come to a complete stop right in the middle of their lane and patiently wait. How dare they try to get  to the exit they need! This is not your problem....

                 2. Yellow never EVER means slow down....ever. It is wrong of you to think otherwise. 
                  
                 3. Red never EVER means stop....ever...proceed with all haste. So what if they have a green light...again..not your problem.

               4. All texting and talking on cell phones MUST occur while you are driving. This will enable you to ignore all traffic signs, stop lights and people in other cars.

               5. Make sure you remain at a steady 20 mph at all times. Even if the speed limit is 45. There are people behind you that may or may not have somewhere to be and may or may not be in a hurry....No matter...Let them be late and curse you. Remember? Not your problem. 

              6. When someone cuts you off, make obscene finger gestures at them and show them your gun. We love our guns here in the beehive state and this will allow us the perfect occasion to show them to you! 

                 If you obey these 6 rules, we're going to get along just fine and you won't be alarmed when I run the red light while texting and brandishing weapons. It's what we do. Welcome to Utah...now get the hell out of my way. 


                               
                               *footnote*
                                        This photo of Cruella is exactly what I look like when I'm driving. And I'm not kidding. My hair turns black and white and my eyes turn crazy red/orange. It's not pretty. 

j'adore paris

                                         Bonjour! Merci! Tres Bien! Au Revoir! Merde! 

             Ok, that's about all the french I know, but I don't care. My newest obsession is with any and all things french. More specifically, Paris. I love Paris. I've started collecting anything I can find with the Eiffel Tower on it. You can barely see them in the picture, but I got these earrings for Christmas and they're my new favorite thing. Don't ask me what started this obsession. I don't know. All I know is that I want to move there. I want to become a snooty french person, eat croissants, sit at sidewalk cafes and make fun of all the silly American tourists. I think I would fit in quite well and the french people would embrace me. At least I have the name for it. Just think - I'll be able to find key chains and mugs, pencils and t-shirts with the name CHANTAL plastered all over them! It will be wonderful. The only thing I refuse to do is wear a beret. I look ridiculously bad in hats, so don't expect to see me sporting one anytime soon. You can however, expect to see me sporting my Eiffel Tower earrings! Viva la France!

   
                               *footnote*
                                       Don't think I have forgotten the fact that Johnny lives in Paris. What a happy coincidence! Although now that he and Vanessa are no longer an item, who knows if he still spends any of his time there. Not a problem. After I kidnap him and force him to marry me, we'll find a cute little apartment overlooking the River Seine. And gorge ourselves on baguettes until we're sick......ahhh, that's the life for me! 

the element of indifference..

      I was delighted to no end when I found this picture online! . Me and my aunt, (my aunt and I ?.) We live by this element and always manage to end every conversation we have with a meh, whatever. We even try to outdo each other with our indifference- to see who literally can care less. She may have quantity, but I have quality. My indifference is unparalleled. Here is a list of things I don't give a rat's ass about...

                        1. sports - meh whatever
                        2. celebrity...anything...who gives a crap about what who's wearing, who's dating who, who's having a baby, and how much some famous person's mansion is worth...meh, whatever...
                        3. where you're going on vacation. I don't care and I don't need to see your pictures.  I SO don't care.
                       4. who likes or  who doesn't like me....again...meh,whatever
                       5. your cat....I hate your cat. I won't talk about my dog if you promise you won't talk about your stupid cat. 

                      these are just a few examples of things that draw out my indifference. Now here is a list of things I DO care about...


                    1. I really care about chocolate...I mean REALLY care...
                    2. Johnny. this is no surprise. Everyone is fully aware of my intense desire and regard for Mr. Depp.
                   3. my bathroom-I really care about people NOT using my bathroom. 
                   4. my stuff- I care about my stuff....don't touch my stuff. the end. 

                        
                                      *footnote*
        "I find it extremely difficult to care about things I just don't give a crap about..." - Me....and if you don't like tonight's blog entry......meh, whatever...

the undecided restaurant...

      A little restaurant having an identity crisis... I discovered this place not long ago and I had to look twice as I drove past....WTH? Are you sandwiches or are you egg rolls and chow mein? maybe you're waffles...with a name like "the great sandwich chinese food" you could be anything. Just make up your minds and pick something already! Just please say you don't make chinese food sandwiches. 

              Yes, I'd like the sweet and sour pork footlong, please....or a ham fried rice on whole wheat. Or today's special. The egg drop soup panini....I say again.....WTH??


                                     
                                        *footnote*
                                              As you can probably tell from the photo, It is now closed. It was just too hard to come to any kind of decision. It was just easier to say screw it. We give up. We're going out of business...They can always try again later. Be on the look out for The great waffle and mexican food opening soon. 

I hate Grandpa Joe...

           
                                ....he can hope you keep your lazy ass out of that bed and get a job..

                  I really hate Grandpa Joe. My BFF recently posted on her facebook something about getting a golden ticket, so now it's rekindled my disdain for Joe. I can't let it go. My dander is up...and I'll tell you why.

             For the better part of 20 years, grandpa Joe has not been able to leave his bed. (can't or won't?) He sits there whining and complaining and basically refuses to budge, even though his family is starving to death. He could at least try giving his mouth a rest. Anyway, Charlie, having beaten all the odds, brings home a highly-coveted golden ticket. The very last one, in point of fact. And he is allowed to bring one member of his family. What happens next remains a mystery to this day. Either Charlie asks grandpa Joe, or Joe volunteers himself. We've never been quite sure. This is what we do know...That lazy no good bum, is ...wait for it...CURED! He can get out of bed! He can walk and jump and dance! It's a miracle! No, it's chocolate. For 20 years, he just lies in bed. For 20 years, he can barely move. But as soon as he finds out he gets to go see Willy Wonka, he's out of that bed like a shot....rat bastard...Does no one else see the  problem here? Now you know why my dander is up. He's perfectly fine watching poor charlie and his mom suffer, but he's not about to pass up the chocolate factory! Idiot stick....I bet he'd find it just a tad too hard to go anywhere with my foot up his ass....


                              *footnote*
                                     This is my script re-write:
                             
      Joe:  (singing and dancing around the room) " Cause I've got a golden ticket , 
                                         I've got a golden twinkle in my eye"...
                                
     Charlie: "Where do you think you're going, old man? Sit your ass back down. I'm taking my  
                     mother. You better have a job by the time we get back...and no chocolate for you!"                                                           
                                            (slams the door for dramatic effect as he leaves) 

                    See how much better my way is? I thought so....

                                  

completely random entry- MINE...

   This is MY drink. Don't touch my drink... and don't ask me why I wrote mine instead of my name, seeing as mine could be anybody's. But it's not. It's mine, as the cup clearly states. So back off...that is all...


                                 *footnote*
                                         This completely random entry fails to yield an inspiring footnote. All I can say is I adore Cafe Rio. As you can plainly see this is where MY cup is from. I consume vats of their creamy tomatillo dressing. I would swim in vats of the dressing if I could, in point of fact......it's life-changing....

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! The year from hell is finally over....here's hoping this one is a vast improvement.  At least the kids go back to school tomorrow. This is cause for much celebration   and rejoicing throughout the land......talk about peace on earth and good will toward man! there is a lot more peace and I certainly have more good will toward men, when they all go back to school. 

 As further celebration and to help ring in a new year, I would like to introduce you to the newest member of  my marem, Mr. Kevin Zegers. Oh boy, is he a cutie! Oh here..I just happen to have some pictures.  Handsome, handsome man. I've been watching the encore series, "Titanic-Blood &Steel" and he plays the main character.  I had never heard of him, but he was enough to make me go, "wait. I must know who this boy is. I feel he is destined to join the marem"....I call him a boy because he may or may not be somewhat kinda of a little bit just sort of younger than me. ok, so what if he's kind of sort of a lot younger than me? I say to you, meh..I don't care. He's pretty and I want him. Now before you start sending me emails expressing your alarm that Johnny has been replaced, Calm down and fear not. Johnny has NOT been replaced! Phew...I know, that was a close call. No, no...Kevin is merely an addition. A wonderful handsome addition and I welcome him with open arms..

                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

                                 *footnote*

                                       I've really enjoyed this series, by the way. I'm now on the last episode and it's just days before the Titanic sets sail.  I'm on the edge of my seat and I can't wait to see how it ends....