....he can hope you keep your lazy ass out of that bed and get a job..
I really hate Grandpa Joe. My BFF recently posted on her facebook something about getting a golden ticket, so now it's rekindled my disdain for Joe. I can't let it go. My dander is up...and I'll tell you why.
For the better part of 20 years, grandpa Joe has not been able to leave his bed. (can't or won't?) He sits there whining and complaining and basically refuses to budge, even though his family is starving to death. He could at least try giving his mouth a rest. Anyway, Charlie, having beaten all the odds, brings home a highly-coveted golden ticket. The very last one, in point of fact. And he is allowed to bring one member of his family. What happens next remains a mystery to this day. Either Charlie asks grandpa Joe, or Joe volunteers himself. We've never been quite sure. This is what we do know...That lazy no good bum, is ...wait for it...CURED! He can get out of bed! He can walk and jump and dance! It's a miracle! No, it's chocolate. For 20 years, he just lies in bed. For 20 years, he can barely move. But as soon as he finds out he gets to go see Willy Wonka, he's out of that bed like a shot....rat bastard...Does no one else see the problem here? Now you know why my dander is up. He's perfectly fine watching poor charlie and his mom suffer, but he's not about to pass up the chocolate factory! Idiot stick....I bet he'd find it just a tad too hard to go anywhere with my foot up his ass....
*footnote*
This is my script re-write:
Joe: (singing and dancing around the room) " Cause I've got a golden ticket ,
I've got a golden twinkle in my eye"...
Charlie: "Where do you think you're going, old man? Sit your ass back down. I'm taking my
mother. You better have a job by the time we get back...and no chocolate for you!"
(slams the door for dramatic effect as he leaves)
See how much better my way is? I thought so....
So how do you really feel about Grandpa Joe? ;-)
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