More moose...

       
          I got more moosess for christmas. As you well remember from the very beginning, I have come to embrace the moose that is me. This little guy was sitting on top of my pile of presents this year. His name is Hal and he will be a welcome addition to all the meese on my bed. I think maybe he's only meant to mingle with the other moosessess at christmas ( the huge christmas lights on his antlers were a clue) but I don't want to put him away already. That just doesn't seem right. 

            We couldn't get each other anything for christmas this year. It was more important that the kids were taken care of and that they had a good day. Well of course they did. Not that I was ok with that. I'm very selfish and I wanted stuff, too. So during a recent trip to Wal-mart I found this moose chain and decided it had to be mine. He was ok with that. It only cost him $3.50. Merry Christmas to me!


                         *footnote*
                                I hinted last night at a couple of other things I got. I got a new griddle for pancakes and a toilet paper holder. I know! A toilet paper holder! How cool is that? I've wanted one for ages and it's awesome! only I would get this excited about griddles and toilet paper. At least I got more mooses....

merry christmas, friends and family

             And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

      "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men."

                          Wishing you peace and joy and a very merry christmas!

             *footnote*

                 

     I will be posting pictures of what I got for christmas, so don't miss it!  Toilet paper, pancakes and another moose may or may not be involved!

            ...and it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God Bless Us, Every One!

clever christmas letter

You're never too old to write a letter to Santa. And I love writing my letter to Santa every year. Or at least I did. It was a family tradition to sit and write our letters on Thanksgiving after we had finished dinner. Unfortunately, my sisters are big doodie heads and put a stop to this lovely family tradition a few years ago. I was bummed.  

Alas, my wonderful mother made me a christmas scrapbook filled with all my letters. She saved every one! Tonight, I thought I'd share some excerpts of the last letter I wrote which was exactly 4 years ago. I try to be creative so I'm not writing the same thing year after year. I'm especially proud of this one. I call it "My clever christmas letter"

                         Dear Santa,
                                 It's christmas once more, time to write a new letter....has this year for you been better than ever? We are all fine here, I hope you are too. I don't want to know you've come down with the flu.....
                          
                           But the best news of all and I scream and I shout
                           Yay! the worst person in the world, yes, that Bush guy is out!
                            And no more McCain or his silly sidekick Palin
                            If she'd gotten in, we all would be wailin'!
                            We have a new president, this year has been grand,
                            he's smart and a democrat, the best in the land!
                            We know he'll do well, this Mr. Obama,
                            he's just the right guy to catch that Osama! 

                            We love you a lot, you're such a great guy,
                            we love you so much that we'll leave you some pie
                            Thank you for wonderful christmases each year
                            you fill all our hearts with warmth and good cheer!

Ok, so it was a little heavy on the political side 4 years ago. But I thought it was good. And at least I left out the part where I asked for twilight stuff... don't judge me...

       
                               *footnote*

                                      
        I'm still waiting for santa to bring me this guy. I ask for him every year and I'm still waiting. This HAS to be the year I wake up to find him under my tree wearing nothing but a big red bow and his sexy smile. please santa? I've been good! ....sigh...
                            

Zombie Friday S2/ep. 3

AAAARRRGGHHHH!!! I hate December! I hate Christmas! 

                    Ok, so I don't hate Christmas completely, but I hate being stressed and having no time. I'm letting the poor blog go belly up again. It's been a week and a half. Where did it go? A week and a half already! Geez Louise....

                Do zombies sing Christmas carols? Well, according to this picture I found, they do. They decorate trees, so why not? I believe I even warned you of zombies caroling in a neighborhood near you, in point of fact. Remember when I told you NOT to open your doors lest your entrails become garland? Ya. They sing. And they have their own book of carols. But I still have one question - When do they find time to hunt for brains between decorating trees and caroling? And forget about all the holiday baking. And Christmas shopping. Sigh....It's exhausting being a zombie..and it's exhausting following zombie habits and writing about them. Not only do I have to follow them around documenting their activity, behavior and customs, I have to make sure I stay out of the way so I don't become christmas decorations or dinner. I really should get paid for this. I'm providing a valuable public service and I deserve fair compensation for sacrificing my time and putting myself in harms way to protect you people! Well maybe it's not all bad....I do get to hang out with my sexy bad ass commander, Rick...and he's so worth it....


                              *footnote*
                                     Rudolph the zombie reindeer....best christmas song...EVER! ..You have to check this out!

                      http://www.zombiereportingcenter.com/2010/12/19/zombie-christmas-carols/

peace on earth and good will toward men, damn it!

 I do volunteer work at our church's food bank and thought I'd share some of my experiences this evening. If you're expecting heart warming and tender, you're obviously reading the wrong blog and we've never met. People are stupid and I hate them. You'd think that getting free food would make them fall to their knees, overcome with gratitude. Nope. Now, don't get me wrong. there are some who do. I've met some wonderful people and this is why I do it. But for the other 80% of the population, I want to kick them in the shins and steal their lunch money. To my chagrin, they're coming in to get free food. This means they have no lunch money for me to steal. Damn. 

                       Here are some of my favorites.

                   1. No lady, you don't get 22 packages of diapers. That's a 2. You don't get to write in another 2 and assume we were all born yesterday. Put them back! No diapers for you!

                   2. No mister, I said 1 package of tortillas. You can't sneak another one into your basket while my back is turned and think I won't notice. I'm on to you. No tortillas for you!

                   3. Can I get raisin bran instead of toasty o's?          - no 

                             But I don't like toasty o's. I want raisin bran!          - no substitutions. sorry.

                             I told her raisin bran. I don't know why she put down toasty o's       - too bad. 

                             I want to talk to your manager!    - No. No cereal for you!

                                                This conversation actually happened. 

                   4. In what alternate universe does a family of 3 need 8 gallons of milk? seriously!
                   5. I can't eat this....oh well..

                   6. do you have?....no..

  
         So I am forced to tell them to take their food and they'll eat  it and it and like it! Merry Christmas, damn it!  ... Get out...

                            *footnote*

                                   when you come in to see me, make sure your form is filled out right, don't try to steal more stuff and think I won't catch it, don't ask to substitute this or get you more of that., and  realize I am NOT wal-mart!  oh ya. And if we do authorize 1 or 2 minor changes, this does not mean you get to dump armloads of stuff into your basket. Deal with it, or no food for you! Thank you and I say good day...

           

Zombie Friday S2/ep. 2

      The holiday season is now officially underway. We've put up our lights, turned on the christmas music and decorated the tree. So naturally I want to know what zombies decorate their trees with. My guess is body parts and entrails, but I don't see how that could work. The zombies would crawl all over each other to get to the tree and then rip it to shreds, leaving a blooming mess of leftover body parts, entrails and pine needles in their wake. And everyone knows those damn needles are a bitch to clean up. Does this not present a problem and leave the zombies in a pickle? Not that I feel inclined to assist the zombies with their holiday decorating. I'd just end up on the tree...

            I also want to know if they go caroling. They already travel in packs so it seems entirely possible that they can go around the neighborhoods singing. Just teach them "joy to the world" and "the first noel" and there you have it. However, don't open your door when they come knocking. They get distracted real easy and as soon as they smell you, they'll forget all about singing "silent night" and try to eat you. And then drag you back so they can decorate their trees with your body parts and entrails. At least you'll smell of pine. 

                So let's sum up what we've learned tonight. You get a fact and A safety tip. Bonus!

                         

      1. FACT: zombies use entrails and body parts to decorate their trees....and they want yours.

                         

      2. SAFETY TIP: Don't open the door when zombies come a carolin'....If you absolutely must open your door for some stupid reason, make sure Daryl is standing right behind you with his bow and arrow at the ready. 

                           

                                 *footnote*

                                         wow - what a finale! If you missed the mid season finale of the Walking Dead, allow me to recap. Showdown at Woodbury between the gang and the governor. Merle and Daryl finally see each other after months but it doesn't look like it's going to end well. We learned the governor is even more of a fruit loop than originally thought. He kept a supply of zombie heads in fish tanks to feed his zombie daughter. Silly governor! Michonne discovered this and expressed her displeasure by killing the daughter and taking his eye out. It was pretty dramatic. Tune in February for new episodes! 

               

           Meanwhile, may your holiday season be filled with peace and joy.....and zombie free...

I love christmas music....seriously...

           You know, crap really needs to stop happening so I can get on here and attend to my blog's needs. I'm shocked it's not dead by now. It's like that goldfish you keep forgetting to feed and by the time you remember he's there, he's given up all hope and gone belly up. Poor goldfish. Poor blog. Well, here's hoping I can revive it. 

                   I love Christmas music...I mean SERIOUSLY love Christmas music. I am not ashamed to admit that I've been listening to it for almost a month now.  As far as I'm concerned, as soon as November 1st hits, Christmas music becomes fair game. Hey, if the radio stations can start playing it, so can I! And of course people say to me, "and if the radio stations jumped off a cliff, does that mean you have to?" Yes....yes, it does..because the radio stations are playing Christmas music....and I love Christmas music. I will be listening to O Holy Night and Joy To The World as I plummet to my death. Not a bad way to go, in my book...

              Now that you know the extent of my affection for Christmas music, you're probably wondering what my favorite holiday tunes are...excellent question... I will tell you -

                               10. O Holy Night- Josh Groban (and Josh Groban only)

                                9.  White Christmas -  Bing Crosby

                                8. We need a little Christmas - ( don't judge me)    

                                7. It Came Upon A Midnight Clear

                                6. Candlelight Carol - ( you want to see me bawl like a baby, play this song)

                                5. Rockin' around the Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee

                                4. The Christmas Song - Nat King Cole

                                3. Christmas Children - from the musical, "Scrooge"

                                2. The Chipmunk Song - (I mean, really...who doesn't love the chipmunks?)

                                

And my number 1 most favorite song ever....Silent Night in German played on just a guitar. So beautiful. Unfortunately, for every good song, there are a dozen bad ones -

                                1. Simply having a wonderful Christmas time- Paul McCartney. Simply wanting to vomit and throw the radio out the window whenever this song comes on.

                                2. All I want for Christmas is you - Mariah Carey. All I want for Christmas is to never hear this song again...ever..

                               3. Hey Santa - Wilson/Phillips. Hey Santa...I'm so sorry they wrote this song for you. I know it's bad. 

                               4. Sleigh Ride- every version ever written. Friends are not calling yoo-hoo. Nobody calls yoo-hoo...and who the hell is Farmer Gray? Never mind..I don't care who Farmer Gray is. I wasn't invited to his birthday party, anyway. 

                                5. The 12 days of Christmas. I don't need lords a leaping or ladies dancing. I certainly don't need drummers drumming and where would I put maids a milking and a partridge in a pear tree? The only thing remotely useful are the 5 gold rings. I say we pawn the rings and eat the partridge for christmas dinner..

 So there you have it. Even though I love Christmas music, you can clearly see there are songs that elicit violent reactions. But no matter. Go and enjoy the season! Just avoid the aforementioned songs and there will be peace on earth and goodwill toward men...

                                          *footnote*
                                                       
                                                       I found this amazing rendition....enjoy! 

                                                     
                                http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4puLybRGSAw     

                        

                                                       

  

Zombie Friday - S2/ ep.1 ...a zombie thanksgiving

                  Welcome back to another to season of Zombie Friday! I trust you've survived the last 6 weeks without me. If you haven't, well, your fate is regrettable. You should have listened to me. For those of you who are still alive, congratulations! 

                         Holy crap! I can't believe we're only a week out from Thanksgiving -which has me pondering the question: " Do zombies celebrate Thanksgiving?"  I would assume they do. I bet they get together at  zombie Grandma's house and enjoy zombie turkeys. Crazy zombie Uncle Fred brings the beer and zombie cousins Cathy and Christine make mashed potatoes and green bean casserole. You're in charge of the pumpkin pie and your zombie sister always brings the rolls, but she eats them before she even gets to the house. The zombie family really needs to clue in and stop putting her in charge of bringing the rolls. 
                       I then began to wonder what zombies are thankful for...do they go around the table  and share? 
                    - 'I'm thankful there's a plentiful supply of people to nosh on"...
                    - "I'm thankful I'm dead and have no clue what the crap I'm doing"...
                    - "I'm thankful someone finally put a bullet in my brain and put me out of my misery"...
                    -"I'm thankful they put me in charge of the rolls so I can eat them all"...

                            Oh, the many things a zombie can be thankful for. After they've given thanks and consumed mass quantities of zombie turkeys...or people, I bet they watch a zombie football game. Zombie football games are extremely boring to watch, though. For us, a normal game only lasts 2 hours. For them, they last 2 months. Think about it...zombies move so slow, all they do is wander around the field and bump into each other. Don't ask me who wins or how. I think they all finally get bored themselves and just leave. Besides, there's more people to eat. They can't be bothered with sporting events.

                             Well, now we know a little bit about zombie thanksgiving traditions. I can't wait to see what they do for christmas. Until then, I wish you all a happy thanksgiving! Just don't accept any  thanksgiving dinner invitations from zombies. If they run out of turkey, you're on the menu...just sayin'...


                                     *footnote*
                                             Speaking of zombies, I'll give you a quick sum up of this season's "Walking Dead"....Laurie just died, the baby's fine (for now) Rick's gone completely mental, Andrea has it bad for the governor, and Marchonne wants to spit on people. She doesn't trust the governor, so she left.  And of course, there's all the usual gory zombie death we've come to expect. I love this show...

                      

weird christmas gift request

So sorry...I didn't realize it had been a week since my last post. I guess I got crazy busy. Scratch that...I don't have to guess...I got crazy busy. Crazy insanely busy....

             This year for Christmas, I have a really weird item on my list. I've become completely obsessed with the Godfather movies, so I'm asking Santa to bring me the entire trilogy. I realize this is bizarre for a couple of reasons. 
                                  
                                1. I'm a girl. This is a guy movie if ever there was one. Girls just don't ask for the Godfather movies let alone watch them, so this could be considered a breach of godfather protocol. Please don't  tell anyone. 

                               2. Nothing screams peace on earth and good will toward men like the godfather. I think this is considered a breach of Christmas protocol. Girls ask for dishes, perfume or jewelry and romantic comedies like Runaway Bride or season 1 of Grey's Anatomy.   They don't ask for movies filled with mass murders and horse heads. So you see why this request is not Christmas-friendly and maybe  even a wee bit inappropriate.  I'm worried Santa's head is going to explode when he reads my letter. Not only am I girl, but I am a girl asking for films focusing on a family displaying numerous examples of non-good will behavior. Oh well. I don't care, because I really want them. 

                           Maybe I'll make Santa an offer he can't refuse. Don't worry. I won't put a horse head in his bed...He just won't get any milk and cookies...


                                    *footnote*
                                           Now before you start sending me hate mail expressing your displeasure at my thoughtless and tasteless entreaty, I will have you know I have other things on my list. I can't remember everything now and of course I lost the piece of paper I wrote it all down on. All I know is that I want a set of tray tables, so I can watch the godfather while I eat...

election eve

 




                      Tomorrow's a big day. That's right- it's election day. Now I'm not here to tell you how I vote (democrat) or who I'm going to vote for (Obama) ....and I'm certainly not here to tell YOU who to vote for (Obama) ...no, really. Vote for who you feel would best serve our country. (Obama)  I hope you make the right choice. (Obama) 

                         I'm here to share some of my ideas on how to make this great nation of ours even better. I call this: 
                                                             
                                                                                    If I were president 

                           1. healthcare- health insurance for everyone
                                         There is no debate, there is no discussion...subject closed. Everyone gets it....period. The end.
                              
                          2. Car registration-
                                         stupid, stupid, stupid. Who cares if your car passes inspection? So you have to drive a piece of crap? Sue me! I would totally get rid of this. It's just something else I need to worry about paying for. Screw that. Car insurance is included. You buy a car, it's automatically there. 

                        3. Increase teacher salaries-
                                            by like...A LOT! 

                        4. Decrease athletes salaries-
                                              by like A LOT!  basketball players, football players, baseball players, hockey players....you name it players. half their salaries....gone. I'm the president...I can do this..

                        5. minimum wage-
                                        restaurant servers will make ACTUAL minimum wage. No more of this $2.13 crap. And companies will pay a decent amount of money that employees can ACTUALLY live on. What a novel idea! Employees that make enough money to support their families? And even have enough to go on vacation  for at least 1 week each year?  Surely not.....

                      6. TV programming-
                                 There shall be no more than 2 commercials per 1/2 hour tv show. And they have to be muted. And while we're on the subject, reality tv is hereby declared illegal. No more kardashians, no more jersey shore, no more american idol.....and for hell's sake, NO MORE TEEN MOM!!! 

                    7. Movie theater regulations-
                                Cell phones and 3 year-olds are banned from all movie theaters. They must be left at the door. You can pick them up on your way out. 

                         Well, it's obvious I could go on all night.  Maybe i'll write myself in tomorrow when I go vote. If you have anything you'd like to add, I'd be happy to hear your ideas. You may even be considered for the nomination of vice-president! Upon my approval, of course..I'm also taking applications for immediate staff and cabinet members. I don't need a political adviser, though. I know exactly what I'm doing, I never make mistakes and I am NEVER wrong...feel free to agree with me....

                     
                        *footnote*
                              Please be advised that in the event that Johnny Depp expresses interest in becoming my vice-president,  my offer will be off the table. He automatically obtains the position. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. (no I don't)  And yes..this is just another excuse to post his picture...stunning man....stunning, stunning man.....swoon...

                

Giving Thanks...

   Sorry...I had to take a night off.  All those scary places we visited last month wore me out.  I hope everyone has recovered from their candy comas, because now it's time to get ready for Thanksgiving. So in the spirit of gratitude, I will be providing a list of what I'm thankful for.  But this is me we're talking about here, so you know it's not going to be some overly-sentimental, heartfelt list. No way. Not my style. I proudly present my snarky thankful list.

                         1. I'm thankful my husband gets paid jack crap. We totally understand his boss has 6 houses to pay for, so when he tells us he can't afford to pay us more, we happily tell him to keep the money...he obviously needs it more than we do. Besides, we don't enjoy eating. In fact, we've been meaning to stop. 

                         2. I'm thankful for the jack wagon who broke into my car, busted out my window and stole, of all things.....my make up case of hot rollers. That's right. The rollers I had just taken out of my hair. They thought it was a purse of some kind and took it figuring  they would find some money. AHAHAHAHA!!  If they had read the #1 thing I'm thankful for, they would've saved themselves a lot of trouble! So, for the best laugh I've had in quite some time, I express my most  sincere thanks. Except for one teeny tiny minor detail - I didn't find it so funny. 

                     3. I'm  thankful that my husband's car battery died and we were blessed with the privilege of replacing that when the #2 thing I'm grateful for occured. That was a bonzer week end, let me tell you...

                     4. I'm thankful we were given the highest honor of owing the state of Utah $900 in taxes this year. That was some fun! We need  to make this a tradition.  Again, like Rob's boss, we totally understand they need it far worse than we do, so we were happy to do our part. I bet the State of Utah  took a Carribean Cruise and laughed at us as they sailed by. Our money is in capable hands....thank goodness they aren't spending it on education or healthcare, so for that I am  truly thankful...

                               
         I know there will be other things to come along that I can be snarky and not so thankful for, so don't worry.  And of course there's always the laundry and dishes. I mean, really...who isn't thankful for the opportunity to do unlimited loads of dishes and laundry for unappreciative family members? But there was a small moment of joy today. I got to treat myself to clean sheets. Wow. I can hardly contain myself...please excuse me.


                                      *footnote*
                                            In all seriousness, I would like to thank my parents for bailing us out more than once this year. They paid our taxes so we could be spared the experience of being thankful to the state of Utah for coming after us and shooting us. They even paid for some car repairs. Never mind the countless times they've bought me lunch,  just so I wouldn't  be left out .

                                      For my parents, I can honestly say, I truly am thankful.....
                                       
                       

#1- All hallow's eve..

#1- All Hallows Eve..

                      "THIS IS HALLOWEEN, THIS IS HALLOWEEN, PUMPKINS SCREAM IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT!"

                            Happy Halloween, everybody! I hope you have enjoyed my month-long celebration of all things creepy, scary, strange and spooky....

                           

         Tonight's final Halloween themed entry will be Halloween itself. Let's take a look at how it all began.....

                                All Hallows Eve is a pagan holiday that dates back to the ancient festival of Samhain, celebrated on October 31st , and marked the end of the harvest season and the beginning of winter. It is believed that this is the night when the spirits of the dead can come back to the world of the living. People would leave offerings of food on their doorsteps hoping to prevent these spirits from entering their homes. Another possible origin may have come from the poor and hungry who would go door to door asking for food in exchange for a prayer and would then given a "soul cake."  Today it's just kids demanding sugar and threatening to pound you if you refuse to give it to them.  Hence, the candy industry was born. They also wore costumes as a disguise to fool the spirits. The jack o'lantern comes form the old Irish tale of Stingy Jack and goes as follows:

        "Stingy Jack was a mean and greedy man who liked to steal and play tricks on everyone. He was eventually punished, and stuck in  great darkness. In order to see, Jack had to use a hallowed-out turnip as a lantern.  The Irish carved turnips to retell Jack’s story. In America, the pumpkin replaced the turnip because it was easier to carve."    

              ....Hence, the pumpkin industry was born. 

                   The ancient Druids and pagans would  also sit around and watch "Friday the 13th" "Nightmare on Elm Street" and of course..."Halloween." Hence,  the horror film industry was born.  You know, I'm noticing a lot of hence -ing and born -ing going on here. Halloween has spawned pumpkin patches, candy companies, horror movies, and  ludicrously expensive costume shops. Holy crap! a little polyester suit no heavier than a hospital gown and they charge you $50! What a racket...but, what are you going to do? 

                      Well, this gives you a few basic facts of our favorite holiday. Thank you for joining me and I'll see you next year when we explore some more spooky sites and haunted houses....I'm going to go watch one more scary movie and raid the kids candy buckets for the good ones...and then collapse in a candy coma.....good-night!

                                   *footnote*

                                            You do realize that Halloween also marks the beginning of the Christmas season.....Hence the retail industry was born.....Fa La La La La La La La La...

#2- Count Dracula or Vlad the Impaler

#2 - Vlad III Tepes, Transylvania, Hungary

                           This is it. We have reached the end of our countdown of the scariest places on earth. And I have saved the best for last. You have no idea how much I have looked forward to this all month long. Yes, yes. I know. Before you politely bring to my attention that this is indeed NOT the end of the countdown, that this is in fact only #2, I would like to politely tell you to mind your own business.....I know what I'm doing...

                             Nothing screams Halloween like Count Dracula, otherwise known as Vlad the Impaler. He ruled Wallachia from 1456 to 1462. (wherever the hell that is) and spent most of his reign fighting the Ottoman Empire. As his name suggests, he brought flowers and candy to his enemies and treated them so nicely. What a lovely man Vlad was! ....HE WAS AN IMPALER!! What do you think his name suggests? He is believed to have killed between 40,000 to 100,000 people by impaling them on stakes and displaying them in public to frighten his enemies. 

                            His father, Vlad II was admitted to an organization called the Order of The Dragon in 1431, which was founded to protect Christianity in eastern Europe. "Dracul" is the Romanian word for "Dragon", thus he became known as Vlad Dracul. Which means Vlad II  became known as Vlad Dracula, son of the dragon. Bram Stokers 1897 novel is inspired by Vlad. We don't know where the vampire legend comes in and if there's any truth to it. What we do know is that Mr. Impaler hated everyone. He hated his younger brother Radu for converting to Islam,  he hated the Ottoman Turks, and he was jealous of his fathers preference for his older brother  Mircea II and his half-brother Vlad Calugarul. So he went on murdering rampages..like you do, when you hate everything. 

                       Vlad's life is quite detailed, so it's more than I can put here. But you get the gist. He reigned and impaled..and then reigned and impaled some more. He was assassinated in 1476 in Bucharest. Most Romanian historians believe the Comana Monastery is his final resting place. I hope he's resting on a stick....just like his victims. 

                        *footnote*
                                      Bran Castle, located in the Carpathian Mountains and the residence of Vlad Tepes... .. the #1 scariest place on earth. Care to spend the night? 

                               

                      
                                 

#3- jersey devil

#3 - The Jersey Devil, the Pine Barrens of Southern New Jersey

               "It was said that Mother Leeds had 13 children and, after giving birth to her
13th child, stated that if she had another, it would be the Devil. In 1735, Mother Leeds was in labor on a stormy night. Gathered around her were her friends. Mother Leeds was supposedly a witch and the child's father was the Devil himself. The child was born normal, but then changed form. It changed from a normal baby to a creature with hooves, a horse's head, bat wings and a forked tail. It growled and screamed, then killed the midwife before flying up the chimney. It circled the villages and headed toward the pines. In 1740 a clergy exorcised the demon for 100 years and it wasn't seen again until 1890."

                  ....Or so the legend goes. It is believed that Mother Leeds is Deborah Leeds and she and her husband Japhet, lived in the Leeds point section of what is now Atlantic City. 
                     
              Alrighty then. So there is this really icky nobody-knows-what thing flying around the woods of Jersey. Cool. Joseph Bonaparte, the eldest brother of Napoleon Dynamite, said to have witnessed the devil while hunting on his estate in 1820. I guess it decided to come back early or the clergy's exorcism just plain didn't work. In 1840, it was blamed for killing livestock. 1909 saw a record number of reports. The newspapers published hundreds of claimed encounters. Some from as far away as Delaware. Sightings continued on and off from 1925 to 1960. An unknown animal with red eyes, a 'monster' matching the devils description, tracks were seen and noises heard....all believed to be this Jersey Devil. So what is it really? Nobody knows. I bet it's just one of those rodents of unusual size that escaped from the fire swamp and decided New Jersey looked like a fine place to settle down. Call Wesley- he'll take care of it. 

                 Well, I don't care what it is and more importantly, I don't WANT to know.  I'm staying away. With my luck, it would be something that would try and eat my face off. No thanks. 

                                   *footnote*
                                             Cryptozoologists think it's a species of Pterosaur such as a Dimorphodon. Oh sure. That's much more believable. A dinosaur. My theory of an over sized rodent doesn't sound so strange anymore, does it? 

#4 - mummies!

#4 - The Mummies of Guanajuato, Guanajuato, Mexico

                              We're not exploring haunted houses tonight, but mummies are equally creepy. And with only 4 more nights to go, what could be more appropriate for our countdown? Vampires, werewolves and mummies, oh my! 

                               
                          These mummified bodies were buried during a cholera epidemic in Mexico in 1833. Well, they weren't mummified bodies when they died. They were just bodies. It took awhile for them to become mummies...like..a LONG while. The cemetery was discovered in the 1860's and the bodies dug up, because the law required loved ones to pay a tax in order to keep the body buried there. About 90% of the bodies were evicted because families couldn't pay. "HEY! you didn't pay the tax! - you get grandma back!"  And they  would proceed to dump  her right then and there on your front porch. "MOM? Grandma's back again!" .....sigh...poor grandma...no final resting place for you! Bodies were being dumped on front porches left and right from 1865 clear through 1958. Grandma, Grandpa and even weird Uncle Ted were told to get their dead asses out. Oh wait, this is Mexico. His name would've been weird Uncle Pablo.
Anyway, the bodies were eventually stored in a building and in 1900, they began to attract attention from tourists. The cemetery workers noticed this and got the great idea of charging people to view the bones and mummies. What an easy way to make a buck! (excuse me, a peso) and they made pesos hand over fist! The building eventually became El Museo De Las Momias. Or "The Mummies Museum" to the lay person....

                    So if you feel the need to take a break from haunted houses and want to experience something new and different, then these mummies are for you! ...Tell Uncle Pablo I said hello...

                             *footnote*
                                      They repealed the law in 1958 prohibiting the cemetery workers to dig up any more bodies. What a relief! The townspeople got sick and tired of walking over dead people just to get to their cars, so they could go to work.  I also have to say that one part of me finds this sick and twisted, but another part of me finds this absolutely fascinating and I would actually go see them.
                            Here are some pictures. I refuse to show the children. They're heartbreaking

                          

#5- ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED??!!!

#5 - The Colosseum, Rome, Italy

                            Are you not entertained?......ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED??!! 
                             
                            Yes I am....Maximus can entertain me any day. What a sexy gladiator! If you don't know where we are, Mr. Crowe should've given you a big flaming hint. We are at the Colosseum. 

                    Construction began in 72 AD during the reign of Emperor Vespasian and was finished in 80 AD under  Emperor Titus. It was used for  the gladiator contests, re-enactments of famous battles, dramas based on classical mythology and even executions. But it's main purpose was to give Russell somewhere to ooze Maximus Decimus Hotness while filming "Gladiator"..

                 The games are simple. A bunch of guys are thrown in to an arena, armed with swords, bows & arrows, guns, tanks, bazookas and flamethrowers. Basically they fight to the death or until someone starts crying. It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye! Many eyes were lost in the Colosseum. If fighting each other wasn't  bad enough, animals would be tossed in for added fun.. lions, tigers, fish and weasels were the most common. If you weren't skewered right off the bat by another gladiator, you would face a most certain death when the weasels were released.  As was the custom of the time, the spectators decided if a losing gladiator was to be spared. Usually, they were not....because this would be boring. However, some gladiators succeeded in winning all their matches and became popular enough that they were able to win their freedom as well. YAY! 

                         Needless to say, the Colosseum abounds with the spirits of dead animals and gladiators. The sounds of weeping, moaning, swords clashing, and the roar of the crowd can be heard. Figures are seen walking up and down the stairs, and seated in the stands as if watching the spectacle down below. Roman soldiers still guard the exits. 
                  
                         Well, I've definitely been entertained...weasels and lions, lost eyes and bazookas. What a pleasant way to spend an afternoon!

                                 *footnote*
                                        I think we should start up the games again. I've got some great ideas of who our first batch of gladiators should be!  I say Justin Bieber vs. Kim kardashian....and let's throw in a porcupine.... talk about losing an eye...