To all you devoted and loyal followers of my zombie series, nicely done...To all you dubious and disinterested non-followers, I pity you. You should have listened and implemented all the invaluable information I provided. You can no longer doubt the existence of zombies, for as you can plainly see from the photo, I have obtained undeniable evidence. This is a zombie finger. And it ain't pretty. Do you really want to risk having this finger poke your eye out? I thought not...so start taking my advice seriously. I told you they are real! and you didn't believe me...so let's move on to tonight's episode...
Due to the flood of questions I have received, I will take this opportunity to answer each one...We'll call it Zombie Q & A.....(It took me several days to come up with that title, by the way)
1. How do I recognize a zombie?
what a stupid question! Isn't it obvious? Unless you're surrounded by slow, ugly flesh-eating, blood soaked, undead creatures every day, you should have no problem recognizing one.
2. What do I do if I see one?
walk up to it, introduce yourself, shake it's hand and invite it to dinner. Another stupid question! I don't know....RUN AWAY, maybe?
3. How is the best way to kill a zombie?
Ok, this is actually a legitimate question. As I have stated repeatedly, the weapon of choice is the bow and arrow. An axe or any other blunt object will also do. Unless you're trying to attract a fleet of zombies, avoid using guns. Just don't poke it with a stick...it hates that..
4. What do I look for when selecting a bad-ass commander for my ZDI?
I recommend sitting down and watching "the expendables"...they are perfect examples of bad ass commander material. don't forget- he has to score a 15 on the hunk-o-meter. if you're unsure of a possible candidates score, feel free to send me his picture and I will be more than happy to assess his hunk capability. DO NOT choose your commander from any films entitled "revenge of the nerds" or "animal house"....or Donald Sutherland...
5. How long should I expect to remain in hiding?
forever
6. What do I do if I am bit or exposed to zombie germs?
nothing. You're toast.
keep the questions coming! And make sure you tune in tomorrow. It's October 1st and it's my favorite month! I will be doing all things Halloween and 31 days of scariest places on earth, ending with Dracula's castle. Vlad the Impaler. Now there's the ultimate bad ass commander if there ever was one. If he doesn't kill you first.
*footnote*
This finger was found in the deserts of Arizona. A location known for high concentrations of zombies. Let's just hope they aren't zombie clowns. I'm willing to bet they are. Those Arizona folk do like the circus quite a bit, so I will leave you with:
tip #13- don't vacation in Arizona
I was in mortal peril as I transported this zombie finger from Arizona to Utah to deliver it into your hands, but it was worth it to prove the existence of zombies. If my efforts and your blog can save even one person, it will have been worth it. ;-)
ReplyDeletewe thank you for risking your life to bring back this evidence. I sincerely hope everyone appreciates what we go through just to keep them from zombie harm. We are indebted to you...
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