pet peeve #284 -ACT NOW!!

I despise commercials. I have a zero tolerance policy. And of course every channel shows commercials at the exact same time, so you're forced to sit through them. On several occasions, I was subjected to so many commercials that I forgot what show I was attempting  to watch. The operative word here being 'attempt'  because I swear for every 5 minutes of program you actually get to see, they have to make up for it with at least an hour and a half of commercials. America! what a great country this is! We can put a man on the moon, we can invent  iphones, ipads, ipods, and ican't-live-without-these-gadgets. We can build skyscrapers in a week  but we can't sit down to watch a half hour sitcom without it being cut down to 6 1/2  minutes? Seriously? 

Here is my list of some of the worst offenders:

                     1. Don't tell me to run right out and buy the 2026 model Lexus for only $5 million down and $600 gazillion a month with 39% percent financing. I was going to pick one up anyway with the money that fell out in the dryer today. What a steal!

                    2. DON'T YELL AT ME! Just because you scream your phone number at me over and over, doesn't mean I want any part of what you're selling. Go away.

                   3. Do I suffer from anything embarrassing? Have I tried everything and nothing works? Even if I did, I wouldn't tell you. Besides I don't want to experience that minor side effect of death. Everything causes loss of vision or death. I'll deal.

                 4. Don't look so happy eating your 2 calorie yogurt and high fiber cereal. No one looks that happy eating yogurt or cereal...ever...it just makes me want to reach into my tv set and slap the shit out of you. 

                 5. And last but not least, INFOMERCIALS!! They are the evil of this world. No, I don't want something to make a cupcake the size of my head. No, I don't need a knife that will cut through my plumbing. No, I don't want to set it and forget it, Ron Popeil! Of course they're all only 13 easy payments of  $13.33 plus $79.95 and a kidney for shipping. I'm sure I'll have plenty  of money leftover after I visit my local Lexus dealer. 

                *footnote*
                                   As for this sham-wow guy. No I don't love his nuts and I want to slap chop his ass. But I can't right now. I have to go see if there is a limited time only offer I'm missing. I'm sure it's something I desperately need and with luck they'll send me another one absolutely free!...I just need to pay separate shipping and handling....and give them my other kidney.