Sigh...well, that was disappointing.
As promised, I will be reviewing "Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies" for tonight's episode. According to the unusual family rating system, this has earned a mediocre it-was-ok-but-never-need-to-see-it-again. And I had such high hopes. At least it wasn't painful or sucked 2 hours of my life away, so in that respect it could've been worse. But still. it's zombies.
So here are 3 things I learned from this movie:
1. Apparently Lincoln cavorted with prostitutes. Who, in point of fact, make bad-ass zombie killers. Interesting. I found it particularly amusing when he said, and I quote "Don't tell Mary where I am going." You think? I snorted. But don't ask me why he cavorted with prostitutes in the first place. They sort of glazed over that part.
2. In this story, zombies are referred to as "Demented Cannibals" and "Unfortunates". You think ? Again, I snorted. And here I thought zombies were blessed. Not so. it's unfortunate to be a zombie. Who knew?
3. It is practically painless when you are skewered by a zombie. The most the victims ever uttered was: "Ow"...Well, more like "Ow?" (i.e. this is supposed to be hurting me, right? Dang, my acting is phenomenal!) This kinda makes me not so afraid anymore.
Warning: many zombies lost their heads during the making of this film. These parts were awesome! Especially when Lincoln shouts "Emancipate this!!" while severing the heads. Perfection! I have to say, this is what made it non-soul sucking. Emancipate this! HAHAHAHA!! Oh Lincoln, you crack me up! Another part I enjoyed was old Abe meeting a young Teddy Roosevelt. He is also a bad ass zombie killer. This now makes 2 new additions to the ZDI- prostitutes and Roosevelt. I am invincible. I bet you didn't realize that if it weren't for zombies, Roosevelt never would've been inspired with his most famous line, "Walk softly and carry a big stick". Oh wait. Lincoln said that. Teddy stole it. At any rate, it's good advice. we will include this as:
Tip #10: Walk softly and carry a big stick.
Tip #11. Don't tell Mary you've been cavorting with prostitutes and then make it worse by enlisting their help. This will just mean trouble for you.
I hope you found this review informative as well as entertaining. Carefully consider it and decide if you think this movie is for you. Or you can just leave it to me. "I watch bad movies so you don't have to!" That's my motto!
*footnote*
One final thought, this movie did provide the best quote...EVER! As part of his Gettysburg address, Lincoln includes one final thought: "With charity for none and malice for all!" So what if he meant it for zombies...It so beautifully applies to everyone. Because I hate people.
No comments:
Post a Comment