Let's face it...church can be boring. Those 3 hours on Sunday feel like 3 years. But I have a few ideas that will make church a delightful and downright pleasurable experience!
1. snack time - We let the kids have them, why not us? I say we open up a snack bar where you can stop and grab something before you head on in to the meeting. This would require sunday school to let out about a half hour early. Another plus.
2. drink holders installed next to the hymn books. you need someplace to put your coke, right?
3. Someone to walk up and down the aisles with cotton candy just like they do at a ballgame. (Your hands were full when you left the snack bar.)
4. the benches rigged with electrical currents. For those people sitting in front of you who start to snore or won't take their screaming children out. A simple press of a button and it shocks them. Problem solved...
Now for the most important improvement. The addition of the gong. Why churches haven't caught on to this, I'll never know. Trust me, people will love you for it. The idea is very simple. If you don't like the talk, GOOONNGG!! They have to leave. The gong should be used based on the following criteria:
- "My talk today is on...the dictionary defines"... GONG!
- "In Genesis chapter 4, we read"...GONG!
- "I told myself when I got up here I wouldn't cry"...GONG!
- "I want to share an experience I had this past"...GONG!
You get the picture. If they insist on continuing with their talk, there's a trap door underneath. Flip a switch and they're out of there! Or just have the organist start playing...Academy Award Style! Just imagine...you could be home before you're even halfway through your hot dog! It's brilliant...In fact, I'm going to speak to my bishop about accepting the gong calling straight away. He won't say no...
*footnote*
If you feel like this is the calling for you, speak to your bishop, priest, pastor or rabbi TODAY! Let me know how it works out for you.
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