Africa hot..

              

           Well, summer has officially started. I hate summer. I mean I REALLY hate summer. You remember that scene in " Biloxi Blues?" The one that went:
    
    whoa, this is hot...
    This is like Africa hot. 
    Tarzan couldn't take this kind of hot.
    I don't think think I'm gonna be able to stay here if it's gonna be this hot.
    Man, this is hot. 
              
        Ya....that pretty much sums up how I feel about summer. And it's only the beginning of June. It's going to get a whole lot worse before it gets better. Stupid summer. I hate summer. And if that wasn't bad enough, all the kids are out of school. It's hot and the kids are home. Stellar....

                                       I hate summer..


                   *footnote*
                         speaking of hot, this brings us to our next episode of "Adventures in Vegas"..but you'll have to wait. You already got 2 updates tonight. Just pray I don't disappear for another month. 

she's back.....

         It has been brought to my attention just recently (tonight) that I have been sorely missed. According to one of my sources, I have loyal followers and adoring fans that demand my immediate return to the blog. Her exact words were, "Update your damn blog, please!" I'm picking up a vibe. I think she's trying to tell me to update my damn blog...or something like that. I had no idea I had such faithful and devoted readers who need me. After that passionate entreaty, how can I let them down? On the other hand, I can't help but think that my source is lying to me....I'd bet you anything that the faithful readers she's referring to is actually just one reader. No wait...probably not even a whole reader. It's a half of a reader. The rest of them are dead. Eaten by zombies or dead in a ditch. That would be alarming. But meh, whatever. I'll just get new faithful readers and more adoring fans. And a new source....preferably one who doesn't lie to me. Not that she cares....

                    *footnote*

                            I have no good excuses to offer for my leave of absence, so don't ask. if I have taught you anything, it is the element of indifference. I'm hoping it took and that you don't care. I'll be highly disappointed if you express even a hint of concern. So don't....ever....

A funny thing happened on the way to the blog....

   
                                                       I got lost. 


                       

Vegas Adventure - episode 4

             Ok, so maybe my sister had the better room, but we had a pretty darn nice pool. Complete with water slide! Ok, so maybe it wasn't the world's greatest water slide, but it was a darn nice water slide! We had a great time and Auntie made the astute observation that we acted like a couple of 5 year olds. Hey! Who says you can't act like a 5 year old while celebrating your 40th birthday! I did make an alarming and distressing discovery while acting like a 5 year old, though. To my horror, it became painfully clear that I am water slide challenged. Auntie would slide gracefully down and land perfectly on her feet. I on the other hand, oh let's see...how can I put it?...did not. Despite all my best efforts to replicate her graceful slides, I somehow became a 10 ton whale. It wasn't pretty. I would land ass first and go straight to the bottom. What the hell? How was this even possible? Boom...ass first and down she goes....sigh....I displayed non stellar water slide skills....Ok, so maybe I looked like the 40 year old 10 ton whale going down, but it was darn fun! And I am pleased to report that no whales or 40 year olds were harmed during the posting of this blog entry. 


                     *footnote*
                           as you can see from the photo, the weather was perfect! such a beautiful day! however the temperature of the water was close to that of the arctic ocean. I think we even saw some chunks of ice float by. I also want to acknowledge the group of girls that I'm sure were delighted to no end to watch a couple of old ladies go down a water slide. They even encouraged us to try different ways. stomach, backwards, feet first, head first. They loved it! Thank you ladies for not laughing hysterically at us...becoming the 10 ton whale was enough of a bruise to my ego as it was....this ass is for you! boom..and down she goes....again....

Vegas Adventure - episode 3

        After taking some time to recover from my harrowing experience of getting there, we took to the strip to begin our tour of hotels and casinos, nudie bars and sex shops. I'm just kidding! We didn't go into any hotels or casinos....we did however stop for dinner at Fatburger. Apparently this place is all the rage and a Las Vegas must. We were disappointed. It turned out to be more of a Las Vegas "meh." The only fat thing about it was the price. It should've been called "You'll-need-to-sell-a-kidney-first-to-eat-this-burger." I guess that wouldn't fit on the sign so they decided to go with Fatburger. We unanimously agreed we never need to go there again. Ah well....at least you got free refills for your coke. This was a huge  selling point. I may have had to sell a kidney to eat there, but at least I could flood my one remaining kidney with all the coke I could drink! Whoo-hoo!....And isn't that what truly matters here? I am forced to say yes...yes it is...


             *footnote*        
                                        touring the strip
                            

Vegas Adventure- episode 2

            After driving hundreds of miles through the lovely Moapa Indian reservation, (where you may recall not one Indian resides) we finally made it safe and sound to Vegas and our hotel, the Excalibur. And I don't use the phrase "safe and sound" here as just an expression. It was a harrowing experience and a miracle we arrived safe and sound for a couple of reasons.
            1. Auntie is no longer allowed to operate a motor vehicle. She is fired, due to the fact that she is highway challenged. She sped by our exits on a regular basis and delayed our arrival by at least 4 days. In fact, she  wouldn't know a freeway on ramp if it came up and bit her on the butt. 
           2. She is highway and freeway ramp challenged because she likes to talk on the phone and drive at the same time. It became evident within the first 10 minutes of the trip that she cannot multitask - hence the 4 day delay. 
         3. She likes to meander. A word that in this case means. " Let's stop for no reason to look at nothing as often as possible even though I know you hate road trips and you're anxious to get there." She even insisted on stopping for gas and getting drinks. This was unacceptable.
         4. She refused to feed me. Her meandering interfered with my meal times and thus resulted in me becoming cranky and snarky. I also found this intolerable. 
         5. After a 4 day delay, missing on ramps and exits, endless meandering and me starving, we got to enjoy the added bonus of Las Vegas traffic. The car expressed it's displeasure at having to sit at red lights for days on end by almost overheating, but thanks to my quick thinking and savvy Vegas street smarts, I got us to our hotel - safe and sound - and the car calmed down. Phew! ...But she's still fired....

              *footnote*
                  Excalibur was a perfectly fine and acceptable hotel. I've always wanted to stay there and Auntie was gracious enough to indulge me. That is until I saw my sisters room. She stayed at Mandalay Bay. I am soooo staying there next time. She got a jetted tub and a flat screen tv in her bathroom! We were lucky we didn't have to pay extra for indoor plumbing.....

the birthday pie - April 1

       Well, it's happened. After months, then weeks of fearing the dreaded day, it came. Despite all my efforts to avoid it. The only good thing was my birthday pie. For 40 years I have been denied a birthday pie, but my sister was finally able to break my mother's resolve, so I thank her for paving the way for pie....pie is good. 

               *footnote*
                      This is my all time favorite. chocolate cream. You have to try some. I promise you won't ever eat any other kind again...ever...yes, it's that good. No, you can't have the recipe. It's like the colonel's 11 secret herbs and spices..only 2 people know it and it's locked in a vault. How sad for you....