Wal Mart....the portal to hell...

            Every year at this time, we get a new movie to add to our horror collection. It's been a tradition for us to watch a scary movie each night to celebrate halloween. We love it. This year's selection was "The Conjuring". I had to have it. Well, No problem. Easy to find. I'll just pop over to wal mart and grab a copy. Huh. This store doesn't have it. No problem. I'm sure another store has one. I'll just call and have them hold one for me. Huh. Ok, don't panic. With all the wal marts around here, I know I can find it. Still no problem. Huh. This is bizarre. Did every person in the free world have to have the exact same movie I did at the exact same time I was trying to get it? just as I was about to give up, I called one last store. YAY! They have it! We drop what we're doing to go to the wal mart on the other side of town and use up our gas. Because wal mart is the portal to hell, you know how this ends. They don't have it. 2 hours, a tank of gas and 17 bad words later, this movie is STILL not in my possession. stupid wal mart wankers...bear in mind, this is also the same place that schedules only 3 people to work at any given time. You get 4 people on Saturday and when it's super busy. But one of them doesn't speak any english and hides in the back somewhere, and the other guy is riding around on that big floor ice rink cleaning machine. So that leaves 2 people who may or may not be minding the registers. But we put up with it because they're cheap. When you're poor, cheap is good.....sigh....
                        
                                                                          Wal mart - 
       One person selling cheap crap you need since 1962. Thank you for shopping with us....




                                *footnote*
                                          I know you're wondering if I ever got my movie. Yes. yes I did. Found it at Target with no problem. Ordered it online and they had it at the store ready for me to pick up. That'll learn me. Thank you target, for not being wankers....

buying a house...aka..paperwork

                 We're trying to buy our house. We were supposed to buy it months ago, but we've come to the realization that you can't buy a house. Ever. There's no such thing. Oh sure, they SAY you can buy a house no problem but it's a lie. When they say you can buy a house, what they really mean is paperwork. It's filling out forms, signing forms, faxing forms, getting forms to fill out more forms to give to people so they can give you more forms. And then you do it all over again....after you fill out those forms. So basically buying a house is just lots of paperwork. And this whole process takes about 9 years. But it's worth it...it's a happy, happy day when all the forms have been filled out and signed, tucked neatly inside a folder and handed to you...YAY! You are now the proud owner of 200 pages of forms and paperwork! Congratulations! Oh wait....you didn't want the house, did you? We didn't think so...here, fill this out...



                         *footnote*
                                I was in the hospital several years ago with gall stones and had to have my gallbladder out. One form...that was it...they removed body parts and it only took one form. So basically it's easier to have internal organs ripped from your body than it is to buy a house....go figure...

Nothin' Doin'

                   I am an insomniac. And it sucks. So what do insomniacs do in the middle of the night besides NOT sleep? We do laundry. And watch a lot of late night tv. During my time as an accomplished insomniac, I've become a huge fan of "I Love Lucy". I remember my mother watching it and just loving it when I was little, but never thought a thing about it. But over the past few weeks I've come to look forward to my late night routine. It starts at 3 am and you get a whole marathon of episodes that lasts til about 6 in the morning. It's awesome. One of my favorite parts of the show is when Ricky uses his catchphrase on Lucy.."Nothin' Doin".....I love it! He uses it most often when Lucy begs to be part of his nightclub acts - 
                      "Please, Ricky?"
                      "Nothin' Doin!" 
 He also uses it when she wants a new dress, hat or a raise in her allowance. 
                      "Nothin' Doin!" 
 Not that it ever stops her. Just like us women 50 years later, she goes and does exactly what she wants. Now we use it -
                    He says, " So you wanna sleep with me?"
                                        
                                      ..."Nothin' Doin".....


                             *footnote* 
                                     I think I'm going to start using it myself whenever anybody asks me to do anything. Like when the kids start complaining about being hungry and expect me to cook dinner. Nothin' Doin'! What do they think I am? A chef? 
                                     "Mom, will you.....?"
                                      "Nothin' Doin'"......

The FOAA

                     I recently gave my auntie some apricots so she could make me some jam. No, I won't make it myself. I'm a consumer, not a producer. Anyway, I asked her how they turned out. Apparently she left them in her hot car and forgot about them. By the time she retrieved them, most of them had perished. Apricot mass murder. For shame. Of course I had to make her feel bad about her apricot neglect. She suggested we hold workshops on how to be kind and become a friend to the apricot. I wholeheartedly agreed. In fact, it inspired me to create the FOAA - the friends of apricots association. We raise awareness for the plight of neglected and suffering apricots. There was some dispute however, over whose fault it was. She maintains it was due to someone else's lack of care. I argued that it was indeed her mistake. They were in her possession, thus her ultimate responsibility. She then threatened to report me to the FOAEOA- the friends of apricots enforcement/oversight agency. HA! What a laugh! It was incumbent upon me to point out her lack of concern for the apricots, thus forcing me to form and spearhead the FOAEOA. I blew the whistle on her apricot wrongdoings. She can't report me!  She will categorically deny all of this. How sad for her. I'm thinking of creating a support group. The FOASG-the friends of apricots support group. She needs to acknowledge her hand in the demise of these poor defenseless apricots. I'll  keep you posted on her progress.  

                              *footnote*

                                    If you would like to become a FOAA member, you can send a check or money order in the amount of a gazillion dollars to the official FOAA headquarters C/O me. As a thank you, we will send you the official FOAA t-shirt, keychain, bumper sticker and mug. I look forward to receiving your money. I mean support. Thank you. 

I have a good excuse now...the death of my stuff..

                 Remember how I said I couldn't come up with a good reason for being a bad blogger person? Well, I've got a good excuse now. It's summer and I'm in a really crappy mood. I barely have the energy to lay on the couch in front of the tv and do nothing. Being perky is just too much work. Never mind having to come up with witty and insightful blog posts to entertain and inform you people. But this isn't my excuse. Although it is a good one. 
            Everything in my house decided to die this week. First it was my car.It blew a hose and became overheated and cranky. Apparently it hates summer, too. And then it was my favorite little portable speaker I use with my nook. Dead. And because everything comes in 3's, the next to go was my chromebook. It no longer wanted to live. I loved that little laptop....sigh...
super big bummer. If I had houseplants, they would've committed suicide this week, too. I'm surprised my fake ones are still alive. Anyway, my point being that since my laptop died, it prevented me from being a successful blogger person.
       
Do you not have other computerish-like devices?  yes...yes, I do. 
A phone?  yes. 
You said you have a nook?  yes. 
Surely you must have a nice desktop computer in your room?  yes.
Can you not utilize any one of these methods?     No. 

     And I'll tell you why. None of these computerish-like devices does a blog make. A laptop and a laptop only does a blog make. And no, I don't have to explain. There will be no further questions. Thank you. 

                       
                      *footnote*
                               If you are reading this most recent entry, you may or may not have noticed that I was able to post it. it can mean only one thing:  

Were you able to procure another laptop?    yes. yes I was. 
                         I thank you for your concern. 

bad blogger person/ summer is here...again....damn it....

          I am a bad blogger person. Bad, bad blogger person. I don't know why it's been so hard for me to maintain my blog with any kind of consistent regularity.  I'm just now realizing that my last entry was dated February 1st. wow..that's like 5 months ago....and the exact opposite of maintaining consistent regularity. Nope. No consistent regularity here. Just a consistently bad blogger person.....bad bad blogger person....sigh....Anyway, on to more depressing news.

               

       I made the mistake of looking at the calendar. There it was. glaring at me in 4 huge letters...J-U-N-E...that's right. I discovered to my horror that it is indeed, the month of June. June. A lovely ladies name, but a terrible month of the year. It means the beginning of summer. The Long, hot, boring, dry summer.....again. Despite my best efforts, it keeps coming back. And I hate it....damn....

                  

   

                                      

                          *footnote*

                                And this is pretty much EXACTLY what I look like for 3 solid months. It's not pretty is it? As for me being a bad blogger person, I've got a great excuse.....wait til I tell you...I've been really.....it's because I....Things are just so....ya, I got nothin'...never mind.  

Eleanor Roosevelt was not a skank

                "I think it is safe to say Eleanor Roosevelt was not a skank"
                                                           -David Lowry

                   Indeed. I don't know what prompted dad to say it, but he's right...and I bet she'd take it as a compliment. She probably wouldn't know what a skank is, but would recognize it as something you definitely don't want to be. Good for her.
                I've recently become interested in Mrs. Roosevelt and am anxious to start reading anything I can find about her. All people know, is that she was rather homely. How much would that suck? That's the only thing anyone remembers about you. Oh, poor Eleanor! I think she's beautiful...this picture of her is quite lovely.  I have so much respect for her. She was very vocal about human rights, women's issues and children's causes. She was the driving force behind the programs designed to help the poor during the depression. And this just barely touches on everything she accomplished. What a classy dame! The anti-skank. 

                        *footnote*