I suffer from BPK.....bad parking karma..

 

            It is an established fact that I hate people. I make no apologies. I make no attempt to hide the fact that I hate people. And bad parking karma does NOT help to endear them to me. In fact, I do believe I hate them more now. The recent holiday season brought out the worst of people and the worst of my already bad parking karma. You know where I'm going with this. It doesn't matter what errand I am trying to accomplish. It doesn't matter what time I go. day or night. day or the 3 o'clock in the middle of the night when I can rest assured that there will be no other human being in sight for miles. perfect parking karma will surely be at wal-mart awaiting my arrival. It's parking spot greeting me with open arms. Please, here..come...right this way. I insist! Ahhh..perfect parking karma at it's best!   WRONG!!! SO SO SO WRONG!!!  No perfect parking karma for me! The parking lots all look like this. everywhere I go. everywhere. All of them. Everywhere. All the time. Forever. Bad, bad, bad parking karma. This means I have to take the dead last spot somewhere along the border of Utah and outer Mongolia. I have to take a plane and 3 buses to actually get to the entrance of the store. "But why not just wait for someone to pull out of their space. Surely you can get a perfectly fine space with just a little patience", you say. Ahh yes. of course. But you'd be WRONG!!!! So so so wrong. This doesn't happen. ever. There are usually between 2 and 75 cars waiting for the space. Being blessed with bad parking karma, it guarantees I will be as far away as possible from every space available. forever. So you can imagine with 9 million holiday shoppers all trying to get the 4 available parking spaces in the state, my bad parking karma is kicked in to high gear.  Weren't we supposed to have those super cool flying cars by now? don't ever make me go shopping with you unless you're willing to drive me. I refuse to play their game.

                    *footnote*
                           From now on I'm just gonna batman my ass into every parking lot I go...with THIS:

   

Who's got bad parking karma now, bee-atches? you know you're getting the hell out of my way....that's what I thought.