Wow, wow,wow....crazy stupid past couple of weeks, but it's been fun. I had a lovely visit with my aunt and a friend of ours who came up from Florida. We've actually been friends on facebook for quite some time, so it was great to finally meet in person.
Speaking of Florida, I mentioned that I'd never been and would love to go. Do the whole Florida thing. Epcot, Disneyworld and the beach. If you're familiar at all with the geography of Utah, you will probably realize that we have no beaches. Ok, we have like, one, but it doesn't count. I love the ocean, so it was suggested that I go snorkeling. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! no. Yes, I love the beach. Yes, I love the ocean, but it doesn't mean I want to go swimming with fishies and other marine life. Now before you send me hate mail telling me I'm closed minded and listing all the reasons why I should try it, let me explain what will happen to me if i do:
1. There are fish. Millions of fish. They will seek me out, surround me and look at me weird. Then they will touch me.
2. There are sting rays. These will also seek me out and then sting me. I'd like to avoid this if at all possible.
3. There are jellyfish. Never mind the millions of fish touching me and sting rays stinging me. The jellyfish will spell my doom.
4. There are sharks. After the fish touch me, the sting rays sting me and the jelly fish have left me for dead, the sharks will come. They will smell my suffering and finish me off. You think I'm kidding.
5. There is seaweed. With the last ounce of strength I have, I attempt to pull myself to safety. This is when rogue seaweed attacks me and chokes me. It wraps around my neck and there you have it. I become fish food. At least at this point I won't care that they're touching me.
Several weeks later, I wash up on the beach and the horrid Floridian zombies eat me for breakfast. This is all true. And this is why I'll refrain from snorkeling, thank you very much. Auntie dared to think I may... perhaps....might possibly have fun engaging in this activity...Did she not read the list? And don't even utter the phrase, "alligator farm"....I'd rather take my chances with jellyfish and rogue seaweed...
*footnote*
You know that part in "Finding Nemo" where Dori and Marlin meet up with that scary-ass fish with those big scary-ass teeth and they barely escape with their little fishie lives? Ya, there's one of those, too....and it wants me.....
I'm on a civil war kick right now. Well, more like still on a civil war kick. I adore the Ken Burns series and I can't stop watching it. And I've decided George McClellan is my hero. He embodies the very idea of indifference, and I have to admit, it delights me. I don't know how much you know about Mr. General McClellan but during the first year of the war, when it came time to fight, he said...and I quote: "meh, whatever"...I believe the following conversation actually take place:
Abraham Lincoln : " Take your army and go fight Mr. Lee"
George: "meh"
Lincoln: "No, really. You need to take your army and go fight"
George: "Not just now"
Lincoln: "This is our chance to get Lee on the run and strike a decisive blow.
You must act now so we can end the war!"
George: " If I get around to it, but doubtful. I just don't feel like it"
Lincoln: "If you won't fight, I will find somebody who will and relieve you of command!"
George: "whatever"
HAHAHA! I love this guy! I don't think any other man in history has exhibited such indifference. Historians think his unwillingness to engage in battle came from his paranoia. He was sure he didn't have enough men, when in reality he outnumbered Lee 2 to 1. He needed more supplies. He had enough. His horses were tired. His horses weren't tired and Lincoln wasn't about to buy in to this excuse. He wanted to know how the horses could be tired if they never did anything. A valid point, but I give McClellan an A for creativity. I'm going to try that as an excuse the next time somebody wants me to do something. "Sorry. no can do...my horses are tired." We'd like you to give a talk next week in church"..."no can do, my horses are tired." it will totally work.
Lincoln eventually got fed up and fired McClellan. I think that's what his plan was all along. "If I do as little as possible, maybe I can get myself fired." This is what we indifferent people do....
*footnote*
besides being delighted that he was a complete lay-about, I find him quite handsome. I especially like this picture of him. Most men from that era weren't that much to look at, but George was downright hot! We would've gotten along quite well. Our combined indifference would be formidable....
She was right...I can't believe my mother was actually right! You know that ditch she's always talking about? Ya, well I found it...and I'm dead in it. This would be why the blog has been neglected and fallen into disrepair. And not a one of you even bothered to come looking for me to see if I required any assistance. Thanks a lot. And I'm fine now. I'm so glad you asked. You're probably wondering how I ended up dead in this ditch. Zombies pushed me in. My aunt refuses to acknowledge that this happened to me. I insisted that it did and pointed out that she couldn't possibly have any way of verifying, since she's been no where around. How does she know? She didn't come to my aid, either. And then she has the nerve to say I'm full of crap! No...the ditch was......a ditch full of zombie crap....stupid ditch....
*footnote*
FYI- when you google "dead in a ditch" under images, pictures of Amy Winehouse come up.....hmmmm..interesting. Amy Winehouse. dead in a ditch. I was not surprised.
